I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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