the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
