just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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