I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
