so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
