i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
