Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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