first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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