He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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