She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
