1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
