Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
