How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
