The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
