I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
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She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
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You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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