Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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