Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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