And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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