im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
