I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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