he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
