If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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