i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
