ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize