Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Randomize