Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
