Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
