idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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