You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
