This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
