That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
