I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
