found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
