Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
