I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
