and next time when you feel me up, do it right
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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