im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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