worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Someone shattered a urinal.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
