Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I will die if light touches me.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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