everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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