I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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