Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
