Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
