You really coming over, don't trick.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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