Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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