She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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