so that wasnt chicken after all
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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