how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
