Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
