I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she looked like the before picture.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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