Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
