i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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