I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
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