He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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