I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
