you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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