I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
