Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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