we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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