So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
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Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
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You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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