the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
