so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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