You're my little dorito
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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