Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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